i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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