Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
