Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
