i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
how drunk are you?
Several
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
