Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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