Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
