I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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