I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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