So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
