I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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