I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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