Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
