Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
