Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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