Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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