I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the condom got lost in my hair
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
