someone threw a dead crab at me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
