My sheets look like a crime scene.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
