sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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