I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
