I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
