no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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