My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
