also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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