everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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