just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
