It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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