hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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