I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
...so i touched it.
he thought i was a dude.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
