he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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