The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Randomize
