ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
