you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize