So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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