I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
