she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
