The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
