Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
