Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
