what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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