I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize