do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
