Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think i got beer on your cat.
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