I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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