Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
