she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
