I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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