are you so shy because you have an std?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
