If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
