The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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