New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
This toilet bowl is my home.
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