she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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