I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
accomplished twins. life is a go
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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