I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
