Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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