i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
