Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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