Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
