4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
