I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
