it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
