Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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