Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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