sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
