I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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