my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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