i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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