Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
