So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
