By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
