i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
