I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
