The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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