people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
