omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
