last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
