I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
