I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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