One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
