I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage