I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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