The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
