she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
