I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We need a shit load of segways right now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
