why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its not stalking. its research.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
