tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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