The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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