ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
