Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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